Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Hocus Locus

Never has there been a man so blessed as he who wanders far,
and makes his mark and throws his legacy upon the stars.
Who worries not and has no needs for fortune has seen fit
to provide for board and friends and food as if by holy writ.

The man who sits upon his ass and fails to make a dent
because his only concerns are having cash and paying rent
is failing to leave a legacy, either rich or poor,
and the only lasting mark on earth made by this shallow boor
will be the pain he caused his mother at his birth
and the relentless way for 70 years he improved his gross net worth.

So too, the man who wanders far, but falls onto bad times,
who struggles hard but vainly 'til the Black Bell sends his chimes.
In us he evokes pity but of course 'twas not his goal,
and only old blind fate decides that he should take the fall.
No matter meek or mighty, men are subject to the clockery
which locks and ticks and tocks and clicks, makes free will into mockery.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Snack attack

I walked into the restroom at work today only to behold this supernatant image.

While I was unable unwilling to determine if the bag was empty or full gelatinous contents or member to a grey area of partially consumed, the following questions immediately came to mind.

Who would throw trash in a toilet when there is an empty waste bin two feet away?
Who takes food into a public restroom?
Who eats food in a public restroom?
Why would somebody throw away an entire bag of gummy snacks?
What was somebody doing in which they placed the gummy snacks on their lap and then couldn't catch them as they accidentally slipped into the toilet?

Why did I feel that this was a good reason to use a camera in a bathroom?

Saturday, August 3, 2013

The prettiest girl

Actual conversation between me and the wife:

(driving home from buying groceries, and passing Wild Billy's Bar and Grill, the trashy neighborhood sports bar)

Wife: I think I want to go to Wild Bill's Bar sometime.

Me: You mean Wild Billy's Bar and Grill?

Wife: Yeah, whatever it is.

Me: Why?

Wife: Because I want to be the prettiest girl in there.

Me: What?

Wife: Girls like going to places where they're the prettiest girl there.

Me: Oh.