Thus begins the greatest poem I'll never write...I envision it as a kind of dark but vaguely hopeful Dr. Seuss. Okay, darker. Let's be honest, some of Dr. Seuss is scary shit. Have you read The Cat in the Hat? He terrorizes children worse than the Kool-Aid Man. Sure he cleans up the mess before the parents get home, but if that little boy doesn't end up with some stress disorder because of this damn cat, I'll be very surprised.
Warning: Rampaging Asshole
Oh! The Places You'll Go has some scary stuff too. But enough about one of my favorite authors.
So what IS this post about? Is it about my pregnant ghost shrimp? No, but it should be. Yeah, I thought it was a dude too, big whoop, wanna fight about it?
The best way to determine this shrimp's gender is clear...
This post is actually about my co-blogger, Will (please, enough with the "ghost shrimp/tiny pale penis" jokes). Perhaps, like me, you've noticed his lack of posts and horrid stench. Perhaps just the stench. Regardless, I hope you'll join me in lighting a fire under his shapely, but tragically un-firm, buns. If you know Will, and can stand talking to him, tell him you want some productivity so Kyle doesn't have to work so hard, slaving away at entertaining an international audience of high-class and fancy-free male and female Homo Sapiens Sapiens. We salute you, you crazy monkey-spawn, now let's go tell Will what we really think of him!
There he is, get him!...Oh wait, that's Justin Long...
Probably Will. If you see this man, punch him and tell him I sent you.
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